Today is the day I have decided to share my story. It has been 2 weeks
and 1 day since I first saw blood and began to feel that something
wasn't right. It has been 1 week and 5 days since I couldn't see a baby
on the ultrasound screen. Those numbers seem so small. I used a
calendar to figure them. If you were to ask me how long it's been
without seeing a calendar, I would say a lifetime. The person I was 2
weeks ago was a different person than I am now. I am forever changed.
Today I woke up with no blood to be found, save for a few drops, on the pad.
I felt a sense of relief wash over me. Maybe it would finally stop and I could rid
myself of one more reminder. I was so wrong.
When I got to school I started getting bad cramps and there was a lot of pressure “down there”. I went to the bathroom during specials, which was about an hour and a half after getting to school. There
was so much blood and lots…and lots .. of blood clots. I called my doctors office.
The nurse told me that she suspected the pills had done their job and now my body
was taking over. She also told me I needed to rest, drink lots of water, and probably
head to the E.R. if the clots were still large and hadn’t stopped by afternoon. Just as I
thought I was beginning to heal physically, it started over again. Not being sure how much
more I could handle, I decided to go home for the day. I called in a sub and left. I
had never, ever in my 6 years of teaching, done that.
The clotting did get better. It didn't completely stop, but it got better and the cramping did stop. I picked Aiden up early from Lori's, which made him happy, which in turn, made me happy. We went over to Amy's house to play with the girls. It's nice to have company to try and combat the isolation that I feel. It's also nice to be around a friend that doesn't need you to explain your feelings because she already knows and understands.
My story doesn't stop here. It will continue and I will continue to write for as long as I need to. Some people have asked if I will join a group or see a therapist. I'm not sure yet. Right now, THIS is what I need. I need to write it all down, I need to recognize my feelings and share them with the people I love. What I need from you? I need prayers for a brighter future...and hope.
I am praying for you and wish I could do more to take the pain you are feeling away. Thank you for sharing your story. Even though you may not feel like it, you are so strong. Love you, Linds
ReplyDeleteThat's my girl. Always, always journaling. It has ALWAYS been your therapy. I'm praying for you. Always have, always will.
ReplyDeleteLove you little girl...Mom
ReplyDeletewow am excited now am now a mother of my own thank god
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