Saturday, September 28, 2013

In my arms

Meet Emmitt.  He arrived September 20th at 2:43AM at 7 lb. 6oz., 20 in. long.  He is perfect.  

It's been a long road getting to this point, but everything we went through in the last 14 months was worth it to be able to hold this little baby boy in our arms.  I wouldn't say I am thankful for losing those 2 sweet babies last year, but if I hadn't... I wouldn't have Emmitt.  I remember my mom telling me over and over that once I have him in my arms, once he is here, it will feel... okay.  Because I will have him. I didn't believe her.  I didn't believe people who told me I would be "okay" with what happened.  

I am.

The second I held him in my arms I knew I was letting go of the pain that was associated with miscarrying.  Does that mean that I am forgetting?  Absolutely not.  I will never forget, losing those 2 babies made me who I am at this moment.  Its a part of me.   But no longer am I able to yearn for those babies.  Because I have my baby.  In my arms.  The other 2 are snuggled in tightly in the Lord's arms, and I am okay with that.  

Last year at this time I was so hopeless.  I didn't think I would ever be able to hold another baby in my arms.  I wish I could go back in time and tell that girl what lies ahead.  But you know what?  I don't know if that would have helped.  I have friends that are struggling to get pregnant and working though miscarriage and I know that me telling them to hold on to hope, because the future is bright, won't take their pain away.  They will have to find that themselves.  Just as I did.  But I also know that without my friends and family supporting me and holding me up in times of pain and sadness, I might not have Emmitt.  I might have given up.  So to those who are fighting through the struggles of getting pregnant or working on holding on to hope in times of loss.. don't give up. Lean on people who are there for you.  Pray.  Know that you will find your brightness too.  Just as I did with my Emmitt.