Thursday, January 31, 2013
Last Wednesday, January 23rd I took my fourth positive pregnancy test. And surprisingly, I felt incredibly at peace. In November I had cried and instantly had a conversation with God. I had felt anxious and worried and extremely skeptical from the second I saw the two lines. But this time...
This time I feel so peaceful and positive. I know it has a lot to do with the fact that I have truly "given it to God". I never really understood that meaning until now. I know that things could still end the way they did the last two times we were blessed with those little two lines.. but I also have complete faith that no matter HOW it ends, or starts, I'm going to be okay. And I'm going to be able to continue being the kind of woman I want to be.
My boobs hurt, I've grown probably 10 inches around my tummy from bloat, and I am hungry all the time. It's awesome. I can't wait until I start puking everywhere. You think I'm being sarcastic.. I'm not. :) Those "pregnancy woes" are one thing I cannot WAIT to experience again.
We aren't quite sure how far along we are since we aren't sure if I technically even had a period.. but we are assuming around 5 weeks (apparently they weren't lying when they told us women are very fertile right after they miscarry...). My progesterone was at a 36.5 last Thursday and my HCG at 104. Good and good. So they didn't need to put me on supplements. On Monday my progesterone was at 35.4 and my HCG at 967. Very good and very good. I have another lab appointment Friday to test my progesterone. Our first ultrasound will be in two weeks. As positive and peaceful as I feel, I also will admit I am finding it difficult to look too far ahead. I haven't thought past the present day. One day at a time is my motto from here on out. Let's have a good Friday baby! Keep up the good work!
Thank you for your prayers, once again..you have no idea how much they mean.
Posted by M. Lam at 7:32 PM
Saturday, January 12, 2013
My thoughts going into my appointment last Tuesday were simple: 'Get my blood drawn to find out if my levels are back at 0 (please let them be) and ask Dr. Lyons for a referral to another doctor because as much as I love her, I just can't walk into this office anymore.'
Here is how things went...
I'm sitting in the ob office waiting for my appointment with Dr. Lyons and just had a conversation I wanted to share.
The woman who took my blood when I got here offered me her condolences. She is the first one to do that, as far as lab techs go. I was taken aback for a moment and then said thank you. She told me she had 3 miscarriages.. After having a son. She lost the first at 4 months the second at 5 months and the third at 4 months. She told me the names they had picked out for each one, which were all girl names because she had wanted a daughter so badly. I asked if she had any testing done and she said she did and found out she had a blood-clotting disorder and she never was able to have another baby. And they didn't adopt because her husbands parents wouldn't have accepted it. Just when I was about to start crying she said, "But I have a wonderful son and 3 beautiful grandchildren." And she said it with a smile. I thanked her for sharing her story with me and I truly meant it. It helps me to know that even if our worst fears come true, we will survive. We will continue smiling and being happy for the son we do have. And it also made me feel so very blessed for our families. Who would be nothing but supportive of any decision we make in the future as far as children go.
Here is how the rest of the appointment went:
Dr. Lyons nurse, Tami, came out and got me and I instantly started feeling a little better about being there. She has always been so kind and today was no exception. When we got in the room she asked me how I was doing.. not the kind of "How are you?" that you say to someone passing in the hall at work.. the kind that you know the person really cares because they stop, look at you, and wait for your answer. She told me how sorry she was and we talked a bit about what happened.
Even though I had planned on "breaking up" with her, when Dr. Lyons came in I felt such a sense of relief flood over me. I hadn't seen her through this last miscarriage and it was SO GOOD to talk to her. The first thing she said when she shut the door was "I'm so sorry Mandy." and she gave me a hug. She pulled up a chair so she was sitting next to me and we talked about a lot of "stuff". Here is the run down:
She looked at my blood results from the last time we were in the office, which was the day we had the ultrasound and saw the baby. She looked at my progesterone level (the growth hormone that sustains pregnancy until the placenta takes over.. which could also be why the baby was measuring a week small already) and she instantly had a plan. She said it was at a 5 and at that point in my pregnancy I should have been at 19/20. When I looked it up later I found this:
According to the Advanced Fertility Center of Chicago, progesterone levels need to be above around 15 ng/mL for a pregnancy to be viable.
Posted by M. Lam at 11:54 AM