Others

Wednesday was the first day of school. It was like therapy to have the students
there and needing me. I still couldn’t be around the adults much. Small talk seemed
so…irrelevant. And I didn’t want people asking me if I was okay. Because what
would I say?

At the end of the day I felt exhausted, because it was the first day of
school and because I had gone many, many hours without breaking down. I was
walking back to my room to let loose when Monique, a fourth grade teacher who
I don’t know very well and I’m a little intimidated by, came up behind me and
asked how my day was. I very briefly turned and said, “Okay” and turned back
around to keep walking. Then she said, “Mandy” and when I turned back around
she was crying. Hard. She grabbed me and hugged me so tightly. I was completely
taken off guard. She said lots of things to me all at once, “I’m so sorry”, “It will get
better”, “Time will help”, “I know how much it hurts”. I didn’t say much to her
except “I’m so sad.” She gave me a card and said she went through it and the card
would explain a bit more. We were interrupted by another teacher so she went on
her way, but I will never forget that moment, nor will I ever look at her in the same
way I used to. She told me in her card that she went through it at the beginning of
the school year many years ago. She said she was thinking of me and her door was
always open if I needed to talk. There are angels everywhere.

As I was getting ready to leave school to go to yet another lab appointment Wendy
asked how I was. I couldn’t hold it in after the encounter with Monique and I lost it.
I told her I wasn’t okay and she pulled me into her room and hugged me. I told her
what had happened and she listened and hugged me again. People are so good.

I rushed over to Lori’s to get Aiden, then rushed down to Mercy..again, to have my
blood drawn..again. They wouldn’t know the results until the next day.

We took a walk that night, which was nice, but toward the end I started cramping
pretty badly. It hit me hard because I kept thinking, “I should be having cramps
because my belly is growing, not the opposite.” It’s not fair. The next morning
my stomach hurt like I had just done an ab workout. I knew it was from the night
before. So many reminders.