July 16th, 2012 I found out I was going to be a mommy, for the 2nd time! We had been
trying for a few months, and in June, though too early to know for sure, thought it
was a possibility I miscarried, so we were VERY excited about this positive test.
I went through the usual symptoms; cravings (“Honey, I know it’s 9:00 but will you
go to the store and get me some popcorn and chocolate milk?”), extreme tiredness
(“No, I can’t walk from the bedroom to the bathroom, I’ll just pee my pants),
moodiness (“What do you mean we are out of popcorn?!??!?!?!), and having a nose
that could pick up ANYTHING (“I’m going to puke if you don’t take that hamburger
of the stove”).
So on Wednesday August 8, 2012, our 4th wedding anniversary, when I noticed
blood on the toilet paper, I was scared. I hadn’t bled with Aiden, so I didn’t know
what was normal and what wasn’t. To the books I went! The phrase “50 percent
of the time women who bleed go on to have a full term baby” did NOT make me
feel better. I tried some blogs. Those were a bit better, as I chose to only read
the “happy ending” ones.
Thursday proved to be a good day, no bleeding, no weird cramping or fever. So even
though in the back of my mind something was telling me things weren’t right.. I told
myself “Everything is okay, no more blood. It was just one of those things.”
Friday wasn’t as great. No blood, but lots of brown discharge. I called my doctors
office. The nurse I spoke with was very nice, and told me that as of now they just
want me to wait and see what happens. If I start bleeding again or pass blood clots
they want me to call back. And again, having that thought that somehting wasnt right
in the back of my mind, but not willing to bring it to the forefront yet.
This was the beginning of an end.
I will never forget the look on your face when you came out of the bathroom. Aiden, playing with the train set. And you, looking at Jeff and I think you knew, even then. And your face again, in the bathroom. The Barnes and Noble bathroom. It's so bizarre that events that change our lives forever happen in ordinary, everyday places.
ReplyDeleteMy heart breaks for you. I love you, little girl..Mom
ReplyDeletewow am excited now am now a mother of my own thank god
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