Sunday, February 24, 2013

The new normal

Well long story short my progesterone just will not stay stable, or go up.  After finding out last week that they dropped again.. to 16.45 (a lot of research says the levels should be around 15 to sustain), my doctor decided to switch me from the progesterone suppositories to the injections.   The good thing: I only have to do the injections once a day compared to doing the suppositories 3 times a day (including once at school which is challenging.. having to find a spot to lay down afterward is impossible).  Bad thing:  They hurt like H***.  And Dr. Lyons made it clear that after we start these we will not be testing my levels anymore because basically this is the "last straw".  Nothing more we can change or try to get the levels to a "safe" zone. 

When I heard that last part my heart stopped for a moment.  Its definitely scary to think that at 7 weeks my numbers were already borderline "too low" and I have 5 more weeks to get me to the point that my placenta takes over the production of this damn hormone.  But.  I still feel good about everything (well besides these numbers).  I feel extremely sick still.  Im super tired.  My boobs hurt.  My waist band is expanding. And my menu is CRAZY weird.  These are all great signs.  And I keep thinking about our little baby up on the big screen.  (Although we all know that despite the "percentages" it is in fact possible to lose a baby AFTER seeing it on an ultrasound and finding a heartbeat...). 

So.  The shots.  OH. MY.  We went in to meet with a procedural nurse Friday who explained everything and had Jeff do a practice run with sterile fluid.  It hurt so incredibly bad!!!  The needle is quite large and long due to the fact that the progesterone is in oil so its thicker.  We do them in the bum and afterward I couldn't put weight on that side and I had to limp out of the office awkwardly (not to mention drive home!!)  Saturday evening we did the first true injection with the progesterone.  It actually wasn't as bad as the day before but it did hurt, and I am quite sore today.  I do them every night so it will be interesting to see how Im walking by the end of this first week! But I REFUSE to feel sorry for myself.  There are women out there doing these shots everyday in hopes it will allow them to GET pregnant.  I still have to remind myself that we are so blessed with Aiden and I get pregnant very easily, which is an unbelievable blessing in itself.  We are doing everything we can to keep this baby growing and I am still putting all of my hope and faith in God (and these shots :) ) and I know he will take care of us. We just have a "new normal" to get used to. 

Keep praying for us.  For this little baby.  That we continue to keep the hope alive.  And that Jeff continues to do a great job stabbing me in the bum each night.  :)

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Cheers to HOPE

How about that?  Our little blueberry, heart beating away at 142 bpm, all nestled in mommys "insides" :) Quite the miracle.

Our appointment yesterday topped off the "hope" cup.  The ultrasound took only a few minutes, and I felt no anxiety, no fear.. just faith that the Lord was with us and we would see that there in fact is light at the end of a very dark road, just as Pastor Mike preached months ago.  Everything looked great, we got to see our little baby for the first time and watch his/her heart beating on the big screen.  They measured the baby at 6 weeks 6 days, which is almost exactly where we thought things should be.  So my due date stays the same: October 4th, 2013. My third due date "assigned" to me for 2013. This one will stick, I can feel it.

At 7 weeks I am definitely feeling the "effects" of being pregnant.  The bloating has subsided, but the nauseousness and puking/gagging has set in... big time!!  Even though I am on the brink of not being able to function most days I am SO happy about it.  It's a good sign.  Even Dr. Lyons and her nurse congratulated me on being sick :) 

During my OB History appointment (when they ask you all sorts of questions and update your charts) she asked if this was our 4th pregnancy, and if we had miscarried twice.  It still feels like a stab in the heart.  I took a silent second and prayed for those 2 babies and asked God to hold them extra close today.  I have 3 friends that are due within a couple weeks of our due date in March so their babies are almost here.  It's still hard to follow their stories.  And even though I truly am happy for them, I still have feelings of jealousy and sadness when I see pictures of their very pregnant bellies and nursery's.  Being pregnant again does help, but it doesn't completely erase the fact that we lost 2 babies.    So take a second and pray for the baby above... and also the 2 babies that are with God.  

My outlook is still positive.  With each day that goes by we are closer to meeting this baby.  I am thankful for each day of being pregnant and say a prayer every. single. time. I go to the bathroom and don't see blood.  There is still hope.  We aren't giving up.  And this baby is growing like crazy.. I can feel it. 

Cheers to HOPE!!

Thursday, February 7, 2013


I'll start with positives:

I'm still SUPER bloated and my pants hardly button.  I felt SUPER sick all day today.  I am SUPER tired.  My "upper" body is SUPER tender. :)

I needed french fries BAD tonight so Aiden and I went to the store.  I ended up coming home with fries, tator tots, chicken strips,  Cheez-its, and Gatorade (None of which I ever eat or drink).. then ate half the bag of fries and half the bag of tots and 2 chicken strips.

I love every last detail about what is happening to my body right now.  Truly.  It's beautiful and it's a miracle.  This baby is growing like a champ, I can feel it.

Here are some frustrations from the past week:

I got my results on Monday from last weeks blood test.  My HCG is still looking really good, but my progesterone went from 35 to 23 (they want the levels to be around 19/20).  My nurse told me they knew I would be nervous about that even though they did warn me these numbers could drop drastically (umm, yes!) and so they put me on 50 mg of progeserone supplement once a day.  She said they would re-check the levels at my ultrasound appt which is next Friday.  I hung up nervous that my numbers were already dropping, but glad that they put me on a supplement.

After thinking about all of this for about 5 minutes after I got off the phone (and some pep-talks from my awesome friends)  I decided I was not okay with it.  I wanted to have those levels checked weekly and I wanted more than 50 mg.  I have been doing my research and nobody that I've read about has been put on anything lower than 100-200 mg (and sometimes this much twice daily).  And these next couple weeks (when they won't be checking my levels) is the time frame when everything went so horribly wrong the last couple times.  So.  I called back and pretty much had to fight tooth and nail to get them to agree to this.  I did end up getting my way ( they scheduled weekly progesterone tests up until week 12 and bumped up my dose to 100 mg ) but I'm still so confused as to why it is such a big deal.  The test is simply them taking my blood.  I don't even see a doctor.  It's my money and my time.  The supplements won't do me or the baby ANY harm.. even if my levels weren't dropping.  Why don't they do this for every woman?  Test their progesterone hormone, at least once in the early weeks?  I know there are some doctors that do, but its very few and far between. I know it's not the "end-all be-all" but its something that we CAN TRY to control, when everything else is so OUT of our control.   I'm assuming its a money thing...

I don't want to nit-pick at everything my doctors decide, but I definitely know what I want and I am pretty in-tune with my body.  I've grown accustomed to the whole "be an advocate for yourself" thing. So they better start listening to me! :)

In a week we will have a picture of the baby.  I can't wait to see him/her.  Keep the prayers flowing!