This is the rock Amy gave me. Sometimes I literally hold it in the palm of my hand.
This is a gift from Karen. She wrote me a note that said it is a "good reminder of what to hold on to." She is so right.
At home I have cards and flowers everywhere. I was wondering this morning how people who don't have loved ones in their lives get through loss. I wouldn't have made it through those first few days without the people in my life. Family, friends, acquaintances, authors. other blog writers. And they are still there for me, still praying for me. I can feel it.
At school today I had a bad moment. Bad, as in, I thought I was going to need to run out of the room because I was going to break down in a sob in front of 6 other teachers. We were having a meeting and talking about when our next one would be. The date that was thrown out there was September 11th. That day has a double meaning for me now. It was the day our 12 week appointment was scheduled. We would have heard our baby's heartbeat that day. I held it together, just barely, but I swear to you, I felt my heart twist in pain.
As I was writing this entry, I got really sad again. I let the computer sit idle while Jeff hugged me and let me cry on his shoulder. I almost was angry with myself because I have had such a wonderful last couple days. I don't want to shed more tears. I am so tired of crying.
But I know I am still healing and I know from listening to others that I need to allow myself time to heal.
It's okay to cry.