We went into the ultrasound this afternoon expecting the worst. Expecting to leave heartbroken and empty again. But we left with this instead...
I am completely and totally shocked. All of the symptoms I am having, the bleeding, the cramping, the tissue.. it's all just like last time. Which is why during the ultrasound I had my eyes shut. When she told me to open them and look at the screen I didn't expect to see this. She pointed at the little blob that has an arrow pointing to it and said, "This is your baby. And see how it's blinking? That's it's little heartbeat."
Jeff and I just looked at each other and started crying.
She measured the baby at 5 weeks 6 days, which is definitely earlier than what we thought we were at; 6 weeks 5 days. But she said everything looked good in there. Amazing.
Of course I had a million questions for doctor Smiley Face, which of course couldn't be answered with 100 percent certainty. As far as my symptoms go, she said there can be lots of different reasons for them and at this point they are calling it a "threatened abortion" (stupidest name EVER). There is a heartbeat which is very, very, good, but because of my symptoms its a day to day thing, and just like any pregnancy this early, it can still go either way. If things get worse I have to call them, otherwise they scheduled another ultrasound for us on December 26th, so hopefully we will get to see this precious baby again then.
I want to be jumping up and down for joy and smiling ear to ear and getting out the pregnancy books again.. but I can't. Not yet. I'm still so afraid. Especially now that we saw the baby and they found a heartbeat. All the bad scenarios that could happen in the future are still playing in my head. But. I am still pregnant right now. And that baby's heart is beating right now.
I told my mom tonight that this baby is purely and simply still there because of the prayers you have said for us, for him or her. A baby of prayers. I am so unbelievably blessed to have each and every one of you in my life. Please continue to pray for that little baby on the screen. And I will keep believing and hoping.
ReplyDeletewow am excited now am now a mother of my own thank god
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