I got a call from my doctor's office today. They told me the blood test I took Friday showed my levels at 4, which means I don't have to take another one. I'm done.
I'm starting to feel almost like myself again and it's wonderful. And this news today made me feel like after almost 6 weeks, I can truly start to move forward. Physically I am finally okay, no more bleeding, no more cramping, no more blood tests or ultrasounds. Emotionally and mentally I think I am okay too. I can laugh with the best of them and have nice conversations with others again. I forgot how nice it was to just talk and have your mind not be elsewhere.
The focus in church this Sunday was prayer. The whole time we were listening to the sermon I kept thinking about what a blessing it has been to have all of our family and friends praying for us throughout all of this. Val left a card on my desk on Sept. 11th, the day we were supposed to hear our babys heartbeat, that said "Prayers will carry you today." I truly believe they did and that they have carried me since the beginning of all of it.
In the last part of "What Was Lost" it talks about making your miscarriage a part of your life story. Figuring out what you are going to do with the experience and how it will or won't change you and your future. My pain has subsided so I have been starting to think a lot about this. I do know that I am more sensitive to others and what they are going through. I saw a quote a few weeks ago that I have been replaying over and over in my head. I can't remember word for word and I dont know where it came from (so if you know, please tell!) but it went something like this: "Be kind. For you do not know the mountain I have asked her to climb."
I have talked a lot in this blog about the small things and how important they have been to me. I want to give away those small things to others and help them feel joy, even in times of pain and sadness. There have been a couple small things I have been able to do for others in the past week and it felt SO GOOD. Because I know what it was like to have people on my side, in my corner, rooting for me to be okay, praying for me to heal. Because I know how good it felt to know that people cared and even if for one day, or one moment, they were thinking of me in my time of loss and mourning.
I have a wonderful and loving husband, an awesome family, amazing friends, and the BEST little almost-2-year-old I could ever ask for. I am blessed.
People are good. God is good. Life is good.
This is beautiful Mandy. Like you. I love you, little girl...Mom
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ReplyDeletewow am excited now am now a mother of my own thank god
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