Last Wednesday, January 23rd I took my fourth positive pregnancy test. And surprisingly, I felt incredibly at peace. In November I had cried and instantly had a conversation with God. I had felt anxious and worried and extremely skeptical from the second I saw the two lines. But this time...
This time I feel so peaceful and positive. I know it has a lot to do with the fact that I have truly "given it to God". I never really understood that meaning until now. I know that things could still end the way they did the last two times we were blessed with those little two lines.. but I also have complete faith that no matter HOW it ends, or starts, I'm going to be okay. And I'm going to be able to continue being the kind of woman I want to be.
My boobs hurt, I've grown probably 10 inches around my tummy from bloat, and I am hungry all the time. It's awesome. I can't wait until I start puking everywhere. You think I'm being sarcastic.. I'm not. :) Those "pregnancy woes" are one thing I cannot WAIT to experience again.
We aren't quite sure how far along we are since we aren't sure if I technically even had a period.. but we are assuming around 5 weeks (apparently they weren't lying when they told us women are very fertile right after they miscarry...). My progesterone was at a 36.5 last Thursday and my HCG at 104. Good and good. So they didn't need to put me on supplements. On Monday my progesterone was at 35.4 and my HCG at 967. Very good and very good. I have another lab appointment Friday to test my progesterone. Our first ultrasound will be in two weeks. As positive and peaceful as I feel, I also will admit I am finding it difficult to look too far ahead. I haven't thought past the present day. One day at a time is my motto from here on out. Let's have a good Friday baby! Keep up the good work!
Thank you for your prayers, once again..you have no idea how much they mean.
YES!!!
ReplyDeleteSometimes, God hears our prayers, even when we don't know how to say them. Love you, Mandy...Mom.
ReplyDeleteHi there,
ReplyDeleteI have been directed to your blog through Facebook. I have just had my second miscarriage - no living children. This time round I got my HCG bloods done every week. From early on the levels were not looking good. I could totally relate to your feeling last November of uncertainty and skepticism. I felt this too when I got my second positive test. It was a very stressful 6 weeks of blood tests and scans until they finally confirmed my baby was not viable. I worked through this time until it had been confirmed as I always had a bit of hope and couldn't really grieve properly until I had confirmation.
It's a week since the miscarriage and I know it's early, but I can't stand the thought of losing another baby and am therefore feeling very fearful about trying again. Did you feel like this? I have also been thinking that I may not get my levels tested next time (if there is one) because it was such an agonising and stressful 6 weeks. Did you have any anxiety around being monitored?
Thanks for your blog, I am so glad I have found it.
Hi Tall,
DeleteI'm so sorry about your losses. Im saying extra prayers for you. Do you have an email I could contact you through? I would love to talk more with you about your questions.
Mandy
ReplyDeletewow am excited now am now a mother of my own thank god
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